January 2, 2016

Setting Healthy Limits

Having and setting healthy limits is vital to our growth, building our self-esteem, dealing with feelings, and learning to really love and value ourselves. 

Boundaries are connected to letting go of guilt and shame, and to changing our beliefs about what we deserve. As our thinking about this becomes clearer, so will our boundaries. 

But we will set our limits when we’re ready, and not a moment before. So will others. 

There’s something magical about reaching that point of becoming ready to set a limit. We know we mean what we say; others take us seriously too. Things change, not because we’re controlling others, but because we’ve changed. 

Today, I will trust that I will learn, grow, and set the limits I need in my life at my own pace. This timing need only be right for me.

~ melody Beetie

December 18, 2015

a Hug, a Cappuccino, two shots of tequila or two weeks of sleep? I'll take all!

"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~ Plato
The holidays are always a tough time for everyone. For some it's the traveling, the traffic, the shopping, the financial strain. For others it's because grief and loss arrive during this time. It's like gravity. Happiness and celebration, needs the opposite side of the coin; sadness and quietude.  

This year has been a very hard year for me and my family.  For me, it started with the loss of my special pet, Tiki.  She had a long and healthy life, but still, even after 16 years it was painful to loose her.  I still shed tears when thinking of her, or when I see small dogs.  Or hear about ailing older dogs.  I'm not sure that will ever go away.  She was my constant companion.  My world traveling dachshund.

Then early this year we learned that my Mother has breast cancer, at the age of 80!  That's nuts, and seems like a cruel joke.  My mother is a strong woman, and has proudly tackled the nasty treatment that they make you do.   But it's not been easy.  Not easy for us, her children with the panic of possibility of loosing your mother. And not easy for her, of course, for the fear and the pain and discomfort of what she's going through.  I think of her, and worry about her daily.

Then this week, my father, who has been suffering from the late stages Parkinson's and accompanying dementia, has been taken seriously ill.  And the prognosis is not good.

Update: 1-2-16.
My father passed away on Christmas

It's so awful to loose your parent, no matter what your relationship.  I've watched my friends loose their parents over the years, and dreaded the day it would come for me.  Thankfully,  I can happily say that my relationship with my father was good these past few years.  He became someone I could really talk to, and confide in.  It wasn't always that way.  But there are ways in which we are alike, which probably let the bond grow.  We know we have grown up, when we can see that the grown ups are also scared children.

I love you dad.  I'll always remember the good moments and adventures with happiness. And the ones that aren't so, I'll warmly wrap them in my arms, acknowledge them and let them go.

Me and Dad.

November 8, 2015

There is so much literature out there about staying in the now, being still, being with your breath, the power of affirmations, power of awareness and power of now. It's not a new concept.  Whoever you find, whatever book your reading about it, I can guarantee you'll find another one out there, just as good, and just as powerful.  It's really amazing.  I thought when I picked up a book by Neville, that he was the one who came up with the whole "law of Awareness".  I mean, that's a classic.  He wrote so many books;  The Miracle of imagination, At Your Command, Awakened Imagination & The Search, Feeling is the Secret, Freedom For All, Out of This World,Prayer, The Art of Believing,Seedtime and Harvest, The Law and The Promise,The Power of Awareness and Your Faith is Your Fortune.

Neville was a true mystic and biblical scholar. But you don't have to be religious to be inspired by his messages. And he wrote these books between 1930-1970.  And of course, there is Eckhart Tolle, who wrote the Power of Now, and a New Earth, among others. He also is a guide and teacher of living in the now, and finding stillness within.   
Neville said, (I paraphrase) that rather than getting irritated about reading repeated ideas from the same author - in many different books or different authors, think of it as reinforcement. Everything that you do becomes a habit only if you repeat it. So how can you achieve stillness, or even keep to you agenda with your affirmations if you don't make it regular. It's just like physical exercise, only this is spiritual and emotional.
People find new ways to package and sell truths that have been around for hundreds if not thousands of years and make them sound fresh and relevant to today’s needs.  Even “The Secret” is nothing more then a repackaging of information from material that has been around for centuries, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that as information must be made relevant to the times in which we live. ~ www.audioenlightenment.com
Most of us get trapped into the question of "what is going to happen next?"  We seem to need to know this about our relationships, our work, and throughout our daily life.   We get so caught up in it that we don't know how to live right now. To appreciate this moment. To be thankful for what we have right now in front of us.

This is a great piece I copied down from The Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie, that highlights this principle:
Worrying about what’s going to happen blocks us from functioning effectively today. It keeps us from doing our best now. It blocks us from learning and mastering today’s lessons. Staying in the now, doing our best, and participating fully today are all we need to do to assure ourselves that what’s going to happen tomorrow will be for the best.
Worrying about what’s going to happen is a negative contribution to our future. Living in the here and now is ultimately the best thing we can do, not only for today, but for tomorrow. It helps our relationships, our career, our recovery; and our life. Things will work out, if we let them. If we must focus on the future other than to plan, all we need to do is affirm that it will be good.
So be thankful to whoever your guide and teacher is now, and know that you too will be a guide next. Because we are all students, and we are all teachers in life.  We will say the same things, sometimes differently, with different perspectives, but ultimately it's the same.

~ Namaste ~

October 28, 2015

For What it's Worth, Being Grateful is Easy

Sometime last year, at the end of a long grey winter, and a much needed "shedding of gloom", I made a list.    

This is the year for getting real with myself.  And that also includes sharing something more, than my love of fashion, icons and vintage 70's inspo.  It means sharing my spiritual journey, and you know, getting all zen on it.  You know. Meditation, crystals, and sage.

Anyhow, where was I?  Oh yes.  So sometime last year, after a particularly hard three years, I was asked by my angels and guides to make a list of what I'm grateful for.  So I did. I wrote it down, and then filed it away. With all my other notes and journals.

I didn't remember doing it when I just happened to come across it today.  But reading it anew, it brought out all sorts of feelings of ahhh and ohhh.   Ahhh to feel good about that.  Wow, to have that! And Ohhh, a bit sad at things that have passed.

I'm happy to share it, If anything, what a wonderful exercise to do!  Focusing on the positive. We can be so sad and negative at times, it's good to remember why were here, and what were grateful for.  Besides, I love writing lists.

So here it is:

1. I am so grateful to have such great friends in life, that even through time and distance we have remained super close.

2. I am grateful that it's been sunny and warm here in Hamburg this past week!

3. I am grateful that every day is a chance to start anew.

4. I am grateful for Tiki, who wakes me up with a smelly kiss every day. She'll be 16 this October!

5. I am grateful for 19 (20 in Feb) years with Mark.

6.  I am grateful for Jackson and Dean.  They are amazing and kind.  And they will always be.

7.   I am grateful for zen belly dancing makeup artist BFF Jamie!

8.  I am grateful for Victoria and how our relationship grows and matures each year.

9.  I am grateful for my Brooklyn babes!  New York Babes! Virginia Babes! California Babes! Hamburg Babes!  Barcelona Babe!  

10.  I am grateful for the sun that is shining across the floor and warming my feet.

11.  I am grateful for the opportunity to study in London

12.  I am grateful for my mother's strong brave personality that carried us through the toughest times in my early life.

13.  I am grateful for my brother and his Dome of Freeness.

14.  I am grateful for having a relationship filled with love and respect with my father.

15.  I am grateful for learning to wipe out the phrase, "I should…"   and replace it with:  I will, I want, I need, etc...

16.  I am grateful for silence

17.  I am grateful for menopause!

18.   I am grateful for 




Well I didn't finish.  But it was a good list.  I'm still very very sad that Tiki is no longer here to wake me up with her stinky breath.  I don't think that pain will EVER go away.   My Mother is still a tough cookie, but battling the pain in the ass that Chemo is.  She's a survivor!  Fuck Breast Cancer.  And my Father, is now in a Memory Care facility because his Parkinsons/Dementia is a bitch, which means, talking to him is really difficult between the awfulness of him being there, and his failing ability to talk for very long. I miss our regular conversations.  I used to get frustrated that I was the one that had to call to make the conversations happen (being in Europe). But I'd give anything for that to be the problem again.  

Even so,  I have more to be grateful for now to add to the list.  

18.   I am grateful for to be back in Brooklyn among my friends.

19.  I am grateful for my soul Sista Hannah who is on the same spiritual path i am. 

20.  I am grateful for all the amazing friends I made in Hamburg. I'll miss you.

21.  and I am grateful for my Goddess mother DeAnna who has been the anchor and the ignition for the start of my spiritual journey.

~ Namaste ~